The Culmination of Feelings and Fear
by valennes
Summary: (My take on the yet-to-come Bellarke hug in S3 E13. Bellarke. Canonverse). The war against Alie is brewing. The delinquents have a plan. Clarke has a better plan, but it puts her at risk. Bellamy might not be okay with that.
THE CULMINATION OF FEELINGS AND FEAR

2440 words / very short fic

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 **xxx**

Miller looked down the scope of his gun, watching the crowd of chipped zombies pace the hastily built wall.

Harper paced beside him, rubbing her hands together.

"How does it look?" Bellamy asked, coming up behind them at their scouting post.

"See for yourself." Miller passed the rifle to Bellamy. "There's at least twenty of them."

"Why aren't they trying to take down the wall?" Harper asked. "They're just watching us."

"They're waiting for something," Bellamy grumbled. "Alie's waiting for the perfect time."

"Why?"

"I don't know. But we can't afford to be one step behind her." He passed the gun back to Miller. "Keep an eye on them. Radio Clarke as soon as they start attacking." He looked into Miller's eyes and held it. "Even before you start shooting, you radio her."

"Yeah but, how do we even know Clarke's plan is going to work?" Miller asked, shooting Harper a quick glance.

"It has to."

"We need a plan B," Harper joined in, eyes jumping from Miller to Bellamy. "I want her 'hack the City of Light' plan to work too but is it really possible? We're scavenging old junk from this damn bunker and just _hoping_ it'll integrate with Alie and shut it off? We don't even know how the chip really works."

"I know. But if you can think of any ideas that doesn't kill us or them," Bellamy nodded his head toward the chipped zombies, "Now is the time to tell us."

Harper shook her head, looking at her feet.

The radio beeped.

"Bellamy?" Jasper asked. "How's it looking out there?"

"Worse," Bellamy said into the radio. "How's it inside?"

There was a pause before Jasper said, "Better. But there's a slight change of plans. You need to come here."

"What happened? What's wrong?" Bellamy asked.

"Nothing. Just come here. Right now."

Bellamy looked to Miller for a reassuring nod that he had it handled outside before he disappeared down into the bunker steps.

His pace was fast, broken, jaunted, one hand on his pistol out of habit. It calmed his anxiety. Change of plans? What change of plans? They'd had only one plan this entire time despite Sinclair and Raven wracking their heads for hours over it. Install some new equipment into the 2.0 Alie chip. Then someone with a 1.0 Alie chip has to eat the upgraded one. They already had a few chipped Skaikru waiting to be their test bunnies in lockup.

Bellamy rounded the corner and entered their makeshift war room. Wires and pieces of electronic equipment were splayed across all available surfaces.

Clarke was pacing, her arms crossed, her eyebrows pinched, while Raven, Sinclair, Monty and Jasper all exchanged glances.

"What is it?" Bellamy asked, eyes darting from each of them and finally coming to rest on Clarke. She gazed at him sympathetically, worriedly, fearfully. Clarke always had a good read on the situation, and her expression was only amplifying the anxiety in Bellamy's chest.

They all turned to look at Bellamy in baited silence, unspoken grief across their faces.

"What?"

"We finished the chip," Raven said at last, gesturing to it. "But it's not perfect."

Bellamy balked. "Not perfect? What do you mean-,"

"I volunteered to take it. To take the 1.0 chip, and the upgraded one." Clarke said, nodding her head, her eyebrows still pinched. Her eyes searched his but he was guarded and motionless.

"We need someone with their free will still intact. That rules out any of the people in lockup," Sinclair hastily added. "And Clarke-,"

"The upgraded chip still has a mind of its own," Clarke said. "It'll need to be convinced to help us shut down the City of Light." Clarke paused, slowly coming around the table to stand closer to Bellamy. "Lexa once told me the spirits of all past commanders speak to her from the chip. If that's true, and she's still in there, I'm the only one who can get her to help us. And we need her."

Bellamy still remained motionless, as if unconvinced. The only movement was his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed.

Raven caught the look on his face. She jumped in, saying, "We overhauled all the connectors and replaced most of the-,"

"Raven," Jasper mumbled, shaking his head.

She inhaled sharply. "It should be safe," she summed up quickly, voice soft. "We did our best."

Bellamy nodded his head, jaw clenching.

"Then it needs to be done," he said, but his face was grave and distraught.

Sinclair snapped up Raven's gaze, then Monty's. "We'll uh, we'll go check the uh-,"

"The prisoners," Monty said. No one commented on the horribly hasty excuse as Raven, Jasper, Monty and Sinclair shuffled from the room.

Sinclair paused by Clarke. "Let me know when you're ready."

Clarke nodded.

Sinclair patted Bellamy's shoulder then left the room.

Silence hung, thick and heavy.

Clarke searched Bellamy's face, brows pinched. Bellamy kept his gaze locked on the floor, his arms crossed, jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Bellamy-,"

"Is there no other way?" He met her eyes hesitantly, gaze soft.

Clarke's mouth snapped shut and she shook her head. "Alie's forces are gathering. Whatever she's going to do, she's going to do it soon. We're running out of time. I need to do this."

Bellamy nodded, gaze distant. His eyebrows were pulled, eyes glistening. His whole body was taut and strained.

"What do you need me to do while you're gone?"

"Keep watch. I don't know if I'll be conscious or not... If I'm not, you need to keep them away from me no matter what." Bellamy's gaze met hers, red hot and probing. Clarke looked away now, swallowing hard.

Bellamy took a step toward her.

"What do I do if-," he stopped. He took another step toward her. With each step, the expression on his face softened until he was towering over her and looked nothing but raw and broken. She could hear his heavy breathing, the type he does when he's trying hard not to get emotional. Clarke inhaled sharply, bringing herself to look into his face forcefully. He still could hardly look at her.

"What do I do if you don't come back?" he asked, voice breaking. A tear streamed down his cheek and he lowered his head, looking at the ground.

"Bellamy-," Clarke felt a sharp pain in her chest. She took a step toward him. Now barely a foot of space remained between them. She could fee warmth radiating off him and she wished she could fall into it. But she had to remain strong, she had to be brave-

He pulled her to him suddenly, or maybe she did fall into him after all. It was so quick, so sudden. Arms around her, pinning her, holding her tight. The smell of him - husky and sweaty and sweet, like the smell of a burning fire mixed with the sweet scent of dewy grass. He was all around her and she clung to him, could feel all the unspoken words between them.

 _Don't go_

 _I'll miss you_

 _I can't do it without you_

 _I need you_

It was words they both had for the other, and words they both knew the other had for themselves. Words that didn't need to be said because they were felt so deeply. All Clarke had to do was look into his eyes to see those words reflected back at her. They were so raw to each other it scared her. Most days she could ignore the connection, pretend it wasn't so strong and real. Not today.

She could feel him, his hand in her hair, his other hand tight around her waist. She could feel his need and want for her. She could feel his strength, too. That he _would_ carry on without her, that he _would_ keep fighting, but he would rather not without her. She knew those feelings well. She had the same ones.

"Bellamy," Clarke started again, swallowing her feelings. "I'm coming back." She rested her chin on his shoulder, inhaling quickly for composure. "I promise."

He buried his face in her neck, his hot skin sending shivers down her spine.

"How do you know?" he murmured.

"I don't," Clarke said, voice shaky. She closed her eyes against the tears welling there. She felt like she was choking. Blinking rapidly, swallowing rapidly, she pulled away from him to look into his face.

Their gazes held for a moment. Bellamy's eyes raked over her, his lips parted, his cheeks tear-stained.

Clarke's grip was tight on his arms, her gaze heavy and meaningful.

"I'm coming back," she said, voice low and thick and full of conviction this time.

Bellamy nodded, accepting this flimsy answer only because he had nothing else to hold onto. But Clarke wasn't finished.

She pulled him closer, giving him a shake. Her throat was tight from her repressed feelings but she managed to squeak out, "I'm coming back _for you_." His gaze tepidly swept up to hers. "I'm not leaving you this time." She shook her head as the tears broke free, streaming down her cheeks. "I won't leave you behind this time."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her, so lightly, so delicately, it was like a whisper on the wind. He pulled away as suddenly as he'd come so that Clarke barely had time to register it was happening.

His hands dropped from her face.

Silence hung for a beat as Clarke processed this.

Kissing Lexa had been like making love to danger. Each touch had been thrilling, each moment between them a landmine waiting to explode.

Kissing Bellamy... was like falling into the river so many months ago with Finn. A slap of cold shock, then weightlessness and pleasure and wondering how she could have ever lived on the Ark without this experience.

Clarke tried hard to remain composed and serious, but her face split into a cheeky grin despite her resistance.

It was like coming home, too. The safety of him. The assurance of him, of knowing him, of trusting him, of lo-

But it was scarier than kissing Lexa. The feelings between them were so raw and pure and frightening. She had never known someone so well... Not Wells, not Finn, not her mother or father. Not Lexa.

She opened her eyes and saw the tiniest of smiles on his face, a bemused expression as he analyzed her cheeky reaction.

Her smile faltered. Oh god she loved him. She really loved him.

With more conviction then ever before, she said, "I'm coming back. Nothing's going to get in my way."

"I trust you," he said.

Smiling the tiniest of smiles now, she reached up and ran a finger over the scar above his lip, then down over his lips, down his chin, his neck. She placed a kiss where her finger stopped on his neck, then she pressed her forehead against his shoulder and exhaled.

His hands smoothed her hair down, his fingers raking her hair back from her face.

The radio strapped to Clarke's waist chirped.

"The chipped are on the move," Miller said. With one hand still around Clarke, Bellamy pulled the radio from her belt.

"Copy that. Do you need my help out there?" He pressed a hand into Clarke's hair reassuringly.

"Might need that help sooner rather than later."

"Roger."

"Tell him the plans a go," Clarke said, then impatiently didn't even give Bellamy a chance to respond. She took the radio and said into it, "Give me 3 minutes and I'll be in the City of Light."

"3 minutes. Copy that," Miller replied. "Good luck Clarke."

Bellamy and Clarke's gazes locked as their eyes probed and asked, _Are we ready to do this?_

"I'm ready," Clarke said, nodding. Bellamy nodded too. They broke apart. Clarke collected the chips from the table while Bellamy hesitated in the doorway. As she approached, she slowed, watching him.

"Be careful," he said. She nodded.

"You too."

He took her wrist gently, his other hand going to her neck. He planted the smallest of kisses on her forehead. It was the gentlest of touches, the sweetest of moments.

Clarke sighed.

"Bell this isn't goodbye."

"I'll believe that when this is over and you're safe." His hands fell from her again. The space between them seemed endless again. His face was closed off and serious again, his mouth a tight, worried line.

Their moment had passed. It was time to get to work.

As Clarke began her way down the bunker hallway with Bellamy trailing her, she looked at the chips in her palm.

"You better believe I'm coming back for him," she muttered, anger tinting her voice. "I'm going to **end you** , Alie."


End file.
